U is for unlikely

I journeyed to see BF on Thursday and we ventured out to the local market town for supper and a drink (or several as it turned out).

My alcohol tolerance is very low since Dolores has been keeping me company, but BF hadn't been out of the house since giving birth so I assumed we would be on a par. Having eaten an unremarkable meal at our first stop, we decide to go to a pub around the corner for that most fatal of drinks; 'one last one'. As with all best laid plans etc and we make an unlikely group of friends who are clearly delighted to have some new faces for drinking company on a Thursday night. The most vociferous of our NBF's (New Best Friends) is D, in his mid fifties, drunk as a lord and propping up the bar whilst clutching the lead of his small dog. D mysteriously alludes to time spent working abroad and having been wronged by 'the Establishment', but will say no more. We are joined later by D's female friend S. Pale with blond hair verging on the ginger she arrives wearing dark jeans, heavy boots and a sweater; which she peels off to reveal a red velvet basque with black velvet detailing. A Shameless caricature. She talks in a fast Scottish accent, her large pale breasts jostling with one another in a bid for escape.

Come the end of the night the barman is unable to secure us a taxi by phone and we are advised to walk to the taxi rank at the top of the road. Sensing our danger is minimal (green wellies not hoodies prevail in these parts), I take BF by the scruff of the neck and make our exit. S has made me hand over my mobile number so that she knows we have got home safely. She calls my phone whilst I'm present to make sure it's correct so there's no getting away with a phony number.

I'm woken after what feels like 5 minutes of sleep by eldest child jumping onto my bed. I'm sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs which is also the location of the television and thus the morning Teletubbies fix (or whatever it is that 6 year olds watch before school). I can hear her whispering to her sister 'Ask Aunty K if it's ok to switch the television on'. I rise wearily and make a deal - she can watch the television if I can go and sleep in her bed.

I'm joined shortly afterward by the 2 year old who alternately tells me about spiders and ladybirds and gives me cuddles. BF staggers in an hour later. "So, fill in the blanks for me" she says and groans intermittently as I give a brief synopsis. I realise I haven't checked my mobile for a text from S and pick up my phone to check.

1 message.

"Let's meet up tomorrow and do charity shops and roller blading". Shameless indeed.

Katy

(Neat or Untidy?)